Drop The Pilot
by SevReed
Summary: Everybody gets to be the star of their own life. Don't they? One-shot.


**Well, I don't really know what this is, I just had fun writing it. If it helps, think of 'Victorious' as a reality show, like 'The Wood'. If it doesn't, try a couple of aspirins. I suspect this is the reason we didn't get another season.**

 **For anyone not familiar with the phrase 'drop the pilot', it's the point where you no longer need guidance, you're ready to sail the ship alone.**

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"Okay, places everyone! Next scene, Tori, you're Arthur. You're about to pull the sword out of the scone. Go!"

"'Scone'? Um, Sikowitz..."

"Don't blame me, Sinjin did the props. Now where's Lancelot? Jade? Jade! Get over here."

"What?"

"You're about to fight the dragon."

"What dragon? There aren't any dragons in 'King Arthur'."

"Ah, Jade, my adorable little mugwump. Just put the helmet on and get lancing."

"Lancing?"

"You're Sir Lancelot. You lance. A lot."

"This is stupid."

"Stupid is as stupid looks. Now shut up or I'll weld your visor shut. Okay, are we ready? Where's Queen Guinevere?"

"This dress itches."

"You're an actor, for heaven's sake. Unpleasant skin rashes are part of the job."

"But..."

"The school's not made of money, Beck, and the nice lady in the morgue said we could have it for nothing. So just get on the damned unicycle, and... action!"

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"Okay, that's a wrap! Clear the stage and get Robbie to the nurse. What's next? Ah, yes, Tori's big number."

"Whoa. Hey, Sikowitz."

"Yes, Jade?"

"How come Tori always gets to do the big number?"

"Because it's her show."

"Her..? What do you mean, it's her show? I thought this was an ensemble piece. About all of us."

"Well, yes it is, in a way."

"So?"

"But in another, more... _accurate,_ way, it isn't. The clue is in the title."

"What do you mean?"

"Why do you think it's called 'Victorious'?"

"Because... because we always win through. You know, as a team. We pull together despite our differences, overcome the odds, that kind of thing."

"Well, yes. But also, no. It's because her name's in it."

"What?"

"Victorious. Vic - tori - ous. I can't believe you didn't get that, Jade. There are five-year-olds watching this show."

"What, so she's the star just because her _name's_ in the title? That's ridiculous. What about me?"

"What about you?"

"Well, it could just as easily have been called... er..."

"Yes?"

"Um..."

"Any time."

"It could be... 'The Jade Show'."

"Boring."

"'Jade and Friends'?"

"You don't have any friends."

"'Jade's a Winner'."

"Not strictly true."

"Don't screw with me, Sikowitz."

"Catchy, but it doesn't have your name it in."

"I wasn't... Right, fine. 'Jade de Memoire'."

"Clever."

"Thank you."

"But no."

"Urrrgh. 'Don't Jade Away'?"

"No."

"'Lemon-Jade'."

"No."

"'Orange-Jade'."

"No."

"'First-Jade'?"

"No!"

"'Whatever Happened to Baby Jade'?"

"Stupid beyond words. Also slightly disturbing. Face it Jade, it's just not going to happen."

"But-"

"Now go away and get ready."

"I hate you."

"I know. It's these little moments that make teaching such a rewarding profession."

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"'Jadelicious'!"

"Not even a real word, Jade."

"Damn it."

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Jade spent the rest of the day stomping around, angrily. Not the star. This was her _life,_ damn it. Everyone was the star of their own life. Tori was the star of hers, why did she get to headline in everyone else's too? She crammed her books into her locker, furiously.

As if to emphasize her inability to carry a solo performance, Tori popped up. "Hey," she said, brightly.

Jade didn't turn around. "What do you want?" she muttered.

"Well," Tori said, "I was just wondering if you wanted to go to Nozu's later."

"Why? Is there a scene you need to be in?"

"What?"

"Are we going to cheer you on while you win something? Or is there just a cute guy you need to act dopey in front of, while I sit in the background?"

"I don't know what you mean."

"I mean, is there a point to me going, or am I just there as comic relief?"

"You're not comic relief," Tori protested. "I'd never think that."

"Well, thank God for that."

"You're UST. Robbie's comic relief."

"I knew it!" Jade exploded. "You know, don't you? You know it's all about you."

Tori scrunched her face up in apology. "Kind of," she said. "It is in the title, after all."

"Well that's just great," Jade fumed. "Am I the only one who didn't get the memo?"

"There's Cat," Tori said, hopefully. "I'm not sure she's really-"

"Do you know what it's like, Tori, to find that you're just a bit part in someone else's show? That your whole life means nothing except a little backstory in a dull moment? All my hopes and dreams, all the things I do after school, all my work for charity-"

"Wait," Tori said, "you do work for charity?"

"Well no one's ever going to know, now, are they?" Jade said, exasperated. "Because it doesn't affect you and _your_ show."

"Jade..."

"All the plays I've written. 'Clowns Don't Bounce'. I spent weeks working on that, and I bet we never even got to see it, did we? I bet it barely got a mention because we were too busy with you and your stupid prom!"

"Prome."

"Whatever."

"Look, I'm sorry we didn't see your play. But we saw 'Well Wishes'."

"For how long? Hmm? Long enough to appreciate the delicate psychological juxtaposition between the protagonist and the Spirit of Eternal Darkness? Or just the bit in the well?"

"Um... just the bit in the well, really. Everybody fell asleep through the other part."

"They were resting their eyes!"

"They were snoring."

"Right, that's it. No more."

"Oh, come on, Jade. We have fun, don't we? And it's not like you don't get a lot of screen time. You're always in the subplot."

"I don't want to be in the subplot! Momma West didn't raise her daughter to be in no subplot. God rest her soul."

"I'm pretty sure your mom's not dead, Jade."

"How would you know? Have we ever seen her?"

"Well, is she?"

"No."

"Right, then. And it's not always the subplot. We did the playdate thing, and we drove to San Diago, and lots of other stuff. And then there's the whole 'subtext' thing going on. Anyway, what about me? At least you've got Beck, I never get the guy and I always end up looking like a total dork."

"You are a dork."

"I am not! I'm pretty, and smart, and funny, and in any other school I should have guys coming out of my ears."

"What you get up to in the bedroom is no concern of mine."

"I... Ewww, don't be gross."

"No, I've had enough, Tori. No more. I'm not going to play second fiddle to someone else. I'm just going to go away and live my life on my own, and if no one's interested enough to put it on TV then so be it. I'm done."

"No! Please, Jade, don't do that."

"What do you care?"

"I do care."

"Why?"

"Because..." Tori shuffled her feet. "I'd miss you."

"Yeah, right. I'm sure the ratings would plummet."

"I'm not talking about the show," she said. "I mean in my life. I'd miss you."

Jade's jaw worked soundlessly for a moment, but no words came out. "Oh," she said, finally.

"And I think, maybe," Tori said tentatively, "that you'd miss me."

There was a pause.

"Would you?"

Jade pursed her lips and looked away. She mumbled something which should have been _in your dreams, Vega_ , but which sounded a lot more like _maybe_.

"Would you?" Tori persisted.

"Maybe."

"Would you?"

"A little."

"Would you?"

"Okay, fine," Jade said, exasperated. "Yes. I'd miss you."

"Aha!"

"But that doesn't mean I want to spend the rest of my life as your sidekick."

"You're not a sidekick, Jade, you're half the show. It wouldn't be the same without you."

"Hmm."

"Look, just give it a chance, okay? Next week's episode's going to be great. It's all about me and you. We crash in on Trina and get to be in her new TV show."

"What kind of show?"

"I don't know, but we're bound to look really cool."

"Well, okay," Jade said, grudgingly. "As long as we look cool."

"We will. And next season's going to be even better, I promise."

Jade sighed. "Okay," she said. "I'll stay."

"Yay!"

"Don't hug me."

"Sorry. Look, if you really want your own show, I could maybe swing something."

"Like what?"

"The network's looking for a spin-off. They owe me a favor, and I'm going to call it in, see if they'll give you a chance."

"Really? You'd do that for me?"

"What are friends for? Now come on, I'll buy you lunch."

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"Wait, what was that about subtext?"

"Hmm?"

"You said, 'And then there's the whole subtext thing'. What subtext?"

"Ah, yeah, well I was going to talk to you about that. Next season we... um..."

"We do what?"

She whispered in Jade's ear, as the other girl's eyes grew wide.

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A month later they were all crammed onto Tori's sofa, while Tori fiddled with the remote. Jade sat bolt upright in the center, fidgeting like crazy. "You need to scroll down."

"I _know_ how to do it."

"So, what are we watching?" Beck said.

"Jade's made a pilot," Tori said proudly.

"Really?" he said. "Wow. What's it about?"

Tori shrugged. "I don't know," she said. "She won't tell me."

"I didn't want to spoil the surprise," Jade said.

"Is it a sitcom?" Andre said.

"Kind of."

"So it's going to be funny?"

"Well, _I_ laughed."

"Does it have-"

"Just shut up and watch it." Jade straightened her back and flicked her hair back from her shoulders as the opening credits began to roll.

Beck raise an eyebrow. "'West of Eden'?"

"What's wrong with that?"

"Nothing. Sounds cool."

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Half an hour later, Tori quietly turned off the TV. "So," Jade said, beaming. "What do you think?"

Beck blinked, slowly. Cat had already fainted, and Robbie was curled up clutching his knees to his chest, rocking gently backwards and forwards, murmuring ' _There is no God'_ over and over to himself. Andre was the first to speak.

"Sweet Jesus," he croaked.

"You liked it?"

"I... I..."

"Beck?"

"That was.. pretty dark," Beck managed.

"I like dark," Jade said, happily. "It's my thing."

"But did there have to be so much blood?" he said. "And... feathers?"

"It's not my fault the stupid ducks flew into the giant fan."

"You threw them at it!"

"It was an accident."

"You were _laughing."_

"A happy accident," Jade said. "Anyway, I was trying to stay in character."

"But the steamroller..."

"That was metaphorical."

And that poor clown..."

"A reference to my earlier work. Fans love that kind of stuff."

"And the mincing machine, and that... thing with the legs... and the screaming...

"You know, you're very critical for someone who _hasn't_ just made a pilot."

"But-"

"I was trying be creative. Change the way you think."

"I'll never look at a zucchini in quite the same way again."

"See? It's working already."

"I think..." Andre said, hyperventilating, "I think I need to use your bathroom." He vaulted over the back of the sofa and made a run for the stairs. Beck got up to join him.

"I just need to go wash my hands," he said. "And my face. And maybe my eyeballs."

Jade watched them go, and shook her head. "You know, some people don't appreciate art." She turned to Tori, who's face was a hollow mask, as though she'd gazed too long into the abyss.

"So what do you think," she said, brightly. "Do you think I'll get a series?"

"Umm..."

"What?" Jade's face fell. "You didn't like it? I thought you'd love it. I even put your name on the credits. Look. 'Executive Producer'."

"Oh, God."

"I'll let you be my co-star once we..."

She broke off as Tori's phone began to ring. The other girl answered it.

"Oh, hey, look... yeah, of course I've seen it... well, I wasn't really... no, I can understand that... I'm not sure you can actually _buy_ brain-bleach, it's more of a... I don't really know, on 'After Dark', maybe? I mean, I'm sure it's... I think _'abomination'_ is a little strong, she was only... yeah... yeah... okay, okay, she's here."

Tori silently handed the phone to Jade.

"It's for you," she said. "It's Dan."

Jade took the phone. "Hey, Dan," she said. "Pretty cutting-edge stuff, huh? I think we really... What? But..."

There was a long pause. "Okay, fine," she muttered. She shut off the call.

"What did he say?" Tori said, nervously.

There was a long silence. Finally Jade brushed away a hot tear, and cleared her throat.

"He didn't like it," she said.

"I'm so sorry."

"He's going to go with something called 'Sam and Cat', instead."

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 **Ah, what could have been...**


End file.
